The Global Sociology Blog

Believe it or not, this is the first book by John Scalzi I have ever read. I figured I had to start somewhere since he is now one of the heavyweights of the scifi world. I have to say that Agent to the Stars had me at “We have seen The Blob  and it is us.” That line alone cracked me up and kept me going. The book is fast-paced, funny (which is not hard when you get to take potshots at Hollywood).

The book falls into the first contact category. The problem is, the aliens are friendly enough but they’re ugly and the smell awful, so, how can they make a peaceful introduction to humanity? Simple: hire an agent to come up with a PR plan. The book reads as a sort of screwball comedy as the agent in question, Tom Stein, has to deal with the resident alien he has custody of, along with his Hollywood human clients. And, of course, one of the funniest aspects of the book is the fact that the aliens have “observed” humanity before contacting an agent, mostly by watching TV and so, they have a lot of fun quoting American popular culture. It’s a fun read… for a while

And then, a pattern begins to emerge, one which almost made me throw the book across the room and ruined the entire thing for me. Agents to the Stars is a very sexist book. One only has to consider the gendered distribution of characters. Let me count the ways:

The big movers and shakers in the book are all white men (Carl, Tom, and even Jim). They are the dominant figures and the ones who get things done. It’s all a men’s world and they navigate it with competence and skills. Now, the women? Oh boy:

- Michelle Beck, the movie star, typical ditzy blonde who becomes famous in movies that guys get to jerk off of and, stupid and clueless that she is, wants to act serious parts and therefore has to be manipulated into a reading that she is scheduled to fail. Then, thankfully, as she botches her own suicide attempts and falls into a coma, her stupid brain gets destroyed and replaced by that of a much smarter (and masculine acting) alien who then gets the serious and meaningful part that Michelle wanted.

- Miranda Escalone is supposed to be the smart (and yet attractive with a shady past) woman of the book. She can fight too. She can even kick a man’s ass and proves it, although, in typical feminine fashion, she does so in the midst of being hysterical. And as smart and witty as she is, she’s only a secretary and love interest for one of the big men AND ultimately, her big part in the book is to have her FEMALE brain used as template by the alien to replace Michelle’s destroyed brain.

Strike that as the two major female characters used as containers or templates… to be fair, the alien had training: he used a dog first, then, upgraded to human females.

- Amanda, the newbie agent promoted from the mailroom, who Tom uses to dump the clients he no longer will have time to deal with as he has to focus on his new alien clients. Poor little Amanda who will need guidance and only comes into her own as she mimics Tom’s habits. Oh, and whom does she inherit as her first client?

- Well, none other than Tea Reader, a nasty bitch of a singer turned actress who has only one thing going for her: her tantrums.

- For the sake of diversity, we also have the angry black woman. Actually, she is the mother of Rashaad Creek. We all know how incompetent black men are, so, here it is his nasty and domineering mother that manages his career.

Should I go on? Yes, because we should not forget

- Avika Spiegelman who is the relative of a Holocaust survivor / Civil Rights activist whose lifestory is the serious part that Michelle Beck had in mind. Of course, initially, Avika is vehemently opposed to Michelle having a reading for the part. So, once the dumb Michelle has been sucked out and replaced by the smart alien with the smart human female brain template, how can she be convinced to give the “new” Michelle another chance? Well, nothing like a good verbal bitch-slapping, in front of two men. Put the bitch in her place!

And I quote

“”I don’t need to be insulted by you,” Avika said [After a couple of rounds of being called a bitch by the "new" Michelle"]

“Well, you need to be insulted by someone,” Michelle said. “And it looks like I’m the only one here with enough interest in you to do it. Sort of sad, really.”" (340-1)

See? Being insulted is actually being paid a favor. Oh, and there is better. The bitch-slapping works, Michelle reads for the part, and, of course, with her new and improved brain, she is great…

“After an hour, Avika dropped the script at her feet. “I wouldn’t have believed it,’ she said, simply.

“I know you wouldn’t,” Michelle said, as simply. “And I thank you, Avika, my friend, for finally letting me show you.”

Avika burst into tears and headed towards Michelle. Michelle burst into her own tears and met Avika halfway. They stood in the middle of the room, crying hysterically. Roland and I looked over at each other. Both of us had these incredibly smug smiles on our face.

We were in business.” (343)

Emphasis mine… get me the puke bucket.